


regrets

by parkers



Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: (tons of it), F/M, Regret, basically Ene thinking about the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-17
Updated: 2014-04-17
Packaged: 2018-01-19 17:11:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1477516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkers/pseuds/parkers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ene wishes she had realized sooner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	regrets

Ene can’t look at him without seeing the person whom she loved, the person whom she loves.

It kills her that Haruka’s finally got his wish, that he’s finally got a stronger body, but he can’t remember her. She’d found him despite everything that had happened only to find out that she didn’t find _him_ , and it tears her up inside that he doesn’t know her, doesn’t remember her, doesn’t love her. She wants to tell him about them, about their past, but she can’t do it. Every time she sees Konoha, she sees Haruka, and she wants to say something to him, but words fail her.

She remembers the cheerful way he talked, the way he hoped and hoped and never stopped wishing, the way he smiled at her even after she glared and pinched him, the way he laughed at her, and the way he was _awkward_ and _dorky_ and yet utterly adorable. She remembered his beautiful eyes and his art and his hands and his laugh, and she remembers Haruka.

And she’s knows she’s just being selfish when she wishes for him to come back to her. It hurts her too much to see Konoha and the Haruka inside of him, the Haruka whom she loves, but doesn’t love her back, not anymore. She wants him to remember her, but she knows she shouldn’t. If she got Haruka back, she would be taking his new body from him, his new health. But, when she’s alone, she stares at the ones and zeros around her and wonders what she would do if he remembered.

Many days, she hates herself, hates herself for her selfish desires and her failure to do anything before she lost him. She asks herself why she didn’t act sooner, why she didn’t see their days together as something precious, why she let them fly out of her hand without a second thought. She asks herself why she had to be the one who remembered and said nothing and cried without anyone knowing. She was just going to tell him too, when she found him gone, out of her reach. Why didn’t she act just a bit sooner? Why?

She was going to tell him that she loved him, that she always did, but she didn’t run fast enough, the words didn’t come out when she wanted them to. Maybe if she’d realized sooner instead of being the goddamn stupid idiot that she was, she would have told him. But she didn’t, she was an idiot, and she lost him.

Some days, she reflects with an aching heart on the memories of them together. He could always make her laugh, even when she was tired and grumpy and hated the rest of the world. It was stupid, really. Even when she said she wanted him to go away, he stayed and smiled at her. And some time after that, she found herself laughing at something stupid that he did, and he would laugh with her too without even questioning anything.

She wonders if he would hate her if he knew the truth about her and how she thought and acted. She has never known him to hate anyone, and she loves that side of him, but no one has ever threatened his happiness like she wants to do. Would he hate how selfish she felt?

In the end, none of her reminiscing and regrets help her. All she does is force a smile on her face when she sees Konoha and pretend to be happy. She watches her heart break, but she pretends she doesn’t see anything.

After all, she’ll never be able to get him any more.

**Author's Note:**

> (yes this is shitty I have no idea what I was thinking when I wrote this and yes it's repetitive and the ending sucks)  
> apologies for oocness ;A;  
> just me thinking about stuff  
> this pairing is one of my favorites and I really didn't do it justice  
> Anyways~  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
